Mind Boggling Phenomena - Ready For A Cane And A Rocking Chair

Today I rode the New York City subway for the first time in about a year. Due to the fact that I hadn't employed this form of transportation in quite some time, I had forgotten the value of headphones to maintain some form of sanity. As I sat there pondering life, on came three young boys, aged roughly 12-13. And here we pick up on their conversation:

- Yo, I was wearing a t-shirt, and my teacher flipped her s!#$. I don't even know why. All it said was "Shut Up, Fool!"

She said it's inappropriate. 

I'm like, "Why?"

Now I don't know what's more offensive:

A. That this little jerk doesn't understand why it's inappropriate for a 6th grader to be wearing such a shirt. Blame it on: Youth

2. That this little jerk's parents allowed him to wear suck a shirt at age 11 and/or never instilled in him the idea of 'appropriate'

Blame it on: Mommy

D. That the readership continues to pressure Your Humble Observer into bringing a child into this rotten society. 

No thanks. 

Mind Boggling Phenomena - *Ring-Ring* Hello, Al?

In an attempt to shift the blog back to its original spirit here is a conversation Your Humble Observer was fortunate enough to be a part of :

YHO: Hello, I would like to return this merchandise that was delivered broken.
Retail Worker: It was delivered damaged?
YHO: Yes Ma'am
RW: Well, did you call them?
YHO: Did I call... them?
RW: Ya. Did you call them?
YHO: Did I call... *confused look* who?
RW: The... the... uh... the... the internet.
YHO: Did I... call... the INTERNET?
RW: You know, the people on the internet.
YHO: Um... no I brought my damaged merchandise back to the store it was purchased from. I did NOT call the internet.
RW: Well, you're going to have to wait until I can figure this out.
YHO: *muttering* You take your time now.

And now, the subtext:


YHO: Yo. I'm post-call and exhausted. This stuff came broken. Take it back!
Retail Worker: Bro- ken?
YHO: Were you not present for the start of this conversation?
RW: I can't deal with this. I'm going to pawn this off on someone else. Hmmm, let me try to pin this on "them".
YHO: Wha...huh?
RW: Oh crap, he's on to me. Quick, figure out who "them" could be.
YHO: Wha...HUH?
RW: Everyone blames that internet thing. Ya, let's go with that
YHO: Is that a real question? Are you really going with "the internet"?
RW: Double down time - Yes, the internet.
YHO: Crap, I'm screwed. Let me try some bigger words like "purchased". Maybe that will work.
RW: Well, that didn't work. Let me use my upper hand of "I'm too busy" to buy some time.
YHO: By all means, take your time. I ain't slept in 36 hours, but, you know, go ahead and call the internet or Mars or Santa Clause. I should have just gone in to work today.

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Wishing Well

Apparently New Yorkers need more outlets for their wishing needs!

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Why I Love Technology

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Bleep The Meep

I like these kids. They've got some creativity. Here's to you, kids of Danvers High School!

From the Associated Press:

Thu Nov 12, 5:13 pm ET

DANVERS, Mass. – Who knew "Meep!" was a four-letter word? The utterance favored by bungling lab assistantBeaker of "The Muppet Show" has been banned at Danvers High School in Massachusetts after students said it to repeatedly interrupt school.

Principal Thomas Murray said the word was part of a disruption planned using Facebook.

The Salem News reportsthat parents recently got an automated call about "Meep!" from Murray. He warned them that students who said or displayed the word at school could be suspended.

Murray says the warning was needed because students didn't heed his "reasonable request" to stop the meeping.

Danvers High sophomore Melanie Crane says it doesn't mean anything in particular.

Mind Boggling Phenomena - The One And Only Parsley Salad

Need I say more?

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Classy!

As the residents and medical students approach the elevators to begin their morning rounds, a woman exits the elevator wearing a t-shirt with the following written prominently across the front:

"F--- You, You F---ing F---"

(censored for the readership's virgin eyes)

Wow! Ya, suddenly I feel like taking better care of you or your loved ones.
Listen, it's a funny shirt for a college freshman to be wearing to his 8 am Poli-Sci class. Not for a 50+ woman in a hospital. Nobody's got no class*.

*87 points to the person who can identify this lyric.

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Nurse of the Year

Nurse: Doctor, you wrote "2 units FFP."
Resident: Yes
N: What did you want me to do with it? Put it at the patient's bedside?
R: (looking bewildered) Maybe put it into the patient's circulation?
N: And how did you want me to do that?
R: (looking even more bewildered)
Chief Resident: (exasperated tone) You have to write "transfuse 2 units" on the order sheet. She needs explicit orders to follow. That's what she's trying to tell you
R: Wait, did the patient receive the 2 units?
N: Ya, he got it. Write it correctly next time.

Well congratulations, nurse...you exerted your limited power on the one part of your life you have any control over. You got your point out in the most condescending fashion possible. How can you expect anyone to show you any respect when you can't even have a normal, decent conversation with another. Let me rewind and show you how that conversation should have proceeded:

Nurse: Doctor, last night you wrote an order for 2 units of FFP, but you forgot to write to transfuse it. You really have to notate that in the chart.
Resident: You know, you're right. I'm sorry I completely forgot, but I will remember from now on. Did the patient receive the 2 units?
Nurse: Yes, I went ahead and transfused it at midnight. I know he's really dependent on the FFP right now.
Resident: Thank you very much.

Wow...look at that. It took less time, energy, actors, and bitchiness to go that way than to take the route the nurse originally employed, just to make her point.

You know what? The respect pendulum swings both ways. If I was that resident, that nurse would have completely lost my respect, and frankly, the most I could ever muster for her would be civility, just to maintain order in the workplace. Congratulations again to the Nurse of the Year.

Mind Boggling Phenomena - But What About The INR?

Heard over the hospital PA system:

"Will the owner of a white Mercedes, license plate 'PTTPT' please move their car from the parking structure?"

What's next, the USS H&H?

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Apparently Repetition Is Key

Recent Subway Interaction:

Lost Ladies: Excuse me. Does this train go to Forest Hills?

Your Humble Observer: Actually, Forest Hills is in the opposite direction on this train line. This goes to Bay Ridge

LL: (confused look)

YHO: You have to take the 'R' line in the opposite direction to get to Forest Hills.

LL: (continued confused look) How do we do that?

YHO: Just hop off at the next stop, go to the opposite platform and ride in the opposite direction.

LL: Oh, opposite platform? Ok, thank you.

...2 minutes pass...

...Random Goofy Guy approaches YHO and the Lost Ladies...

RGG: To get to Forest Hills you have to take the 'R' train in the opposite direction. Go ahead and get off at the next stop, go to the opposite platform and get on the train going the other way.

YHO and LL: (blank stare)

RGG: I'm the conductor of the 'R' train. I'm just going to work now. To get to Forest Hills you have to go in the opposite direction

YHO and LL: (continued blank stare, becoming a little suspicious)

RGG: But thank you to that guy, he had the directions right on. 

YHO and LL: (staring as if to imply WTF?)

RGG: Ok, good luck to you. (exits train)

LL: (confused blank stare)

YHO: (glaring and muttering) So...I got the directions right, but you decided you needed to repeat everything I just said anyway...twice. Phenomenal!

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Locker Room Philosphy

The following overheard in the gym locker room:

"Do you know what I was thinking today? You never see a white guy or lady working as meter maids anymore. It's mostly black or Hispanics. You know why that is?"

"No I've never noticed."

"I don't think white people have the personality for it."

"Ya, I mean you're being yelled at constantly, putting up with abuse. White people can't handle that..."

This line of deductive reasoning continued for over 6.5 minutes. There were some things said that I can't remember, but the entire conversation made me yell internally "REALLY? IS THIS APPORPRIATE CONVERSATION FOR THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMNED LOCKER ROOM?!?!?"

Mind Boggling Phenomena - The Reason Evolution is Just A Theory

I've begun playing a new game while I'm doing my workouts at the gym:

"Herniated Disc or Cerebral Hemorrhage"

As a future physician, I cannot tell you how horrifying it is watching 85% of gym-goers execute their workouts. It's as if they're begging for some sort of injury. All I can do is guess which injury they are most likely to have.

The worst offenders are the giant apes of human beings. They manage to take the simplest exercises, bicep curls for example, and turn it into a sure-fire injury causing motion. But they've been doing this so long, they've managed to build waaaaaaaay too much muscle in the most inefficient manner.

Let me just simplify this for everyone...

1. When you're doing an exercise, it SHOULD NOT require more than one motion.  Namely, if your back is moving at any point during bicep curls, you're doing it wrong.

2. Most weight-related exercise requires both flexion and extension of a joint. You get a more efficient exercise if you move slowly through the flexion, hold it at maximum flexion briefly, and move through the extension even slower. If you can't maintain this form, you're using too much weight, and, once again, asking for an injury.

3. You must maintain your breathing throughout the exercise. It is most beneficial to exhale as you flex the muscle and inhale as you extend the joint. Failure to do this (specifically holding your breath throughout) can raise the pressure in your head and could cause problems with the blood vessels such as causing them to bleed.

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Super-Absorbant

I joined a gym today, oh boy....*

This gym really is a nice place: friendly staff, clean facilities, new equipment, sauna/steam room, etc. etc. etc. "So what's so mind-boggling about this?", you're asking.
I'll tell you:

With every new memberships comes a nice little goody bag, just as a "Thank-you-for-giving-us-waaay-too-much-money" gift. In this goody bag are the items depicted in the picture below. My particular favorite is the little pink box all the way to the right and top of the picture. I should be getting some good use out of that... :/



Just as an FYI (because inquiring minds want to know), the rest of the items are tooth whitening strips, an energy bar, a small bag of coffee, a razor and some shaving cream (now these I thought are super cool), body wash, two samples of cologne, and some hair ties (you know, so I can hold my luscious head of hair back).

*276 points to whoever can identify the song reference in the first line of this post.

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Mis-Informer

Here's a blast from my childhood. I still remember this little ditty being one of the hottest songs. How it ever spent seven consecutive weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 I'll never know. It's one of those songs that's so bad you've gotta love it. It's still in rotation on my iPod... and THAT'S mind boggling.

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Expectorating Too Much From People

I don't know what it is about being in an underground subway station that allows people to lose their decency and intrinsic humanity, but somehow people regress to a primate-like state when they get down there.
Case in point:
It's not uncommon to witness the inhabitants of this city rear back and spit off the platform onto the tracks, like there's something about an electrified rod of steel that says, "Please aim fluids in my general direction." Frankly it's disgusting and a bit curious as to why these individuals can't seem to keep their bodily fluids to themselves...or at least between them and their Dunkin' Donuts napkins. The gravest offenders are the serial spitters. For example, a few days ago I was waiting at the 86th Street station of the R line on my way to work when suddenly the crudest sound in the world hit my ears. Some "gentleman" was repeatedly digging way down deep into his terminal bronchioles to draw up as much sputum as he could physically muster and letting them loose all over the tracks. Over, and over, and over, and over and....well you can imagine.
Seriously? Just because I have to be in proximity to you, must I really be subjected to the sounds of your projectile mucoid secretions. For the love of Obama, just give your airways a break! I'm headed in to work to deal with moans, bones, groans, and stones. I don't need your ronchi at 6 am to wake me up. That's what my Dunkin' Donuts coffee is for!

Simply mind-boggling!

Mind Boggling Phenomena - Well, Who Could See This Coming?

The following is a headline to a Reuters article:

"Craze Over Touch-Screen Gadgets Not Shared By The Blind"

Really? REALLY?? REALLY?!?!

Did it really take a team of scientists to pick up on this? Did the iPhone R&D crew have to put out feelers for this one? Did the makers of the Blackberry Storm need focus groups? This kind of hard-hitting journalistic effort will set the precedent for the headlines of the future...

"Deaf Not Enthralled By Noise-Canceling Headphones"
"Double Amputees Won't Enter New York City Marathon This Year, Report Says"
"Medical Students Hate The USMLE"
"Slumping Economy Blamed For 50% Reduction In Mt. Everest Climbs By Anemics"

I mean honestly people is this really what news has come to? Who comes up with this @#$% ?

Mind Boggling Phenomena: He Wore An Itsy-Bitsy, Teeny-Weeny...

Ya, you know where the title is going.

Let's get real here folks. What possible reason could there be for a 60+ year old man to ever, EVER, EVER wear pink... bikini... underwear? Much less, to be walking around in that - AND ONLY THAT - for a good 5 minutes in the locker room of the gym?

Is there no more decency in the world? Is there no more shame? Is there NO LAW BANNING THIS BEHAVIOR?!

And don't even get me started on the ones who insist on standing naked in front of the mirror to comb their hair. *PUKE* Cover yourself up! Sheesh!