In Texto Veritas - Humor Of The Yutes

Humor Of The Yutes

From: A conversation between AK and Your Humble Observer

Date: 01/12/2013

Time: 11:52

Format: G-Chat

AK: That's me being upset because I did God awful on a practice test this morning.

YHO: Everything that practice test said is Bull S@#$

AK: Ok, stop living in my head. That's exactly what I said after the test.

YHO: HAHAHAHA!

AK: I'm not joking. I even said the 'Thank you' at the end of it

YHO: Great minds think alike.

AK: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

*1/2 point if you can guess the movie referenced in this conversation

In Texto Veritas - The Flying Trapezius

The Flying Trapezius

From: Anonymous
Date: 01/10/2013
Time: 18:32
Format: G-Chat

"So far my [Anatomy] professor has sent out 3 emails in 3 days of school with slide corrections. I mean, come on! It's Anatomy. It's not like they suddenly found a new Trapezius muscle in the popliteal fossa."

In Texto Veritas - It Takes A Winner

It Takes A Winner

From: V. K.
Date: 03/03/2012
Time: 13:57

"...one of the members calls me and asks if I'm related to [Your Humble Observer]. Naturally my response is, 'No, never heard of the chump.' She says she found your quiz bowl trophy with all of your names on a piece of paper next to it. When I found out it was good news, I told her we are related."

In Texto Veritas - Rules Are Rules

Rules Are Rules
Between: YHO and V.K.
Date: 05/24/10
Time: 15:41

A recent exchange between Your Humble Observer and his brother:

YHO: "V., I think as your older brother and mentor it is my duty to tell you... The hotel room has two beds and a couch. A. and I have already called beds. Standard shotgun rules."

V.K.: "YHO, I think as your younger brother and source of comedy it is my duty to tell you... The hotel room has two beds and a couch. I have already called the couch. Standard little brother rules.

In Texto Veritas - What's In A Line?

What's In A Line?


From: A.K.Date: 04/14/10Time: 12:42

"So I'm SITTING in a CHAIR at Starbucks and some very intelligent creature walks up to me and asks me if I'm in line and I say no so she goes and stands in the line...

Interaction Rating: Fantastic"

In Texto Veritas - The Brick That Breaks The Phone's Back

The Brick That Breaks The Phone's Back


From: A.K.Date: 03/18/10Time: 12:55

"Brickbreaker will be the reason I smash my phone/fail college."

In Texto Veritas - It's A Moo Point

It's A Moo Point

From: A.K.Date: 03/18/10Time: 11:04

"Only in Fresno [CA] can you listen to a radio station's traffic report and hear three (3) different occasions of cows blocking the roadway."

In Texto Veritas - Revelation (on a Psych Ward)

Revelation (on a Psych Ward)

From: YHO
Date: 02/02/10
Time: 11:00

The following is a text message to M.R. that spiraled out of control:

"So...TID, BID, QHS, and, yes, even QID are fine abbreviations. In fact, they are preferred. But the dreaded QD elevates you to the level of heretic. Abbreviation-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Commonly known as "You-Know-What". PURE evil. The Adversary in word form. Shaitan himself. Capable of pillaging women and raping horses. Belongs in Dante's 7th circle. Fire and brimstone. Gnashing of teeth. That which bears the mark of the beast. 666. 7 trumpets, 4 horsemen. Destruction of the earth, coming of The Kingdom.

AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

(Ok, so maybe an unwarranted level of drama there. Whatever...you try spending 5 hours trapped inside a glass bowl being tapped at like a goldfish and not resorting to these histrionics.)

In Texto Veritas - "Rapid Response - 3B, Rapid Response - 3B"

From: YHO
Date: 8/06/09
Time: 12:29

"Gather in close, kids. Pull the blankets over you, dim the lights, and sip your cocoa. It's story time...

On 7/18 [YHO] sat for his Step 2 - CK exam. On 7/17 at 11:59 pm, he realized he had not printed the most important document for the test - Scheduling Permit. So, without further ado, he calmlywent to the [ECFMG] website to print it off and head to bed. Much to his dismay, the site was down for maintenance. Frantically, he hammered out an email to the site administrator begging for help, asking if the site would be back before his exam the next day... Silence.

The next morning, the site was up (though [YHO]'s nerves - shot) and off he went to his exam.

Fast-forward to 8/6 - 19 days later - when he receives the following [email]:

'Dear Doctor,

Please be advised that it appears this issue has been resolved as our records indicate you sat the exam 7/18/09.

Sincerely,

[Jerkface]'

My theoretical response:

Dear [Jerkface]

Thank you for your 'timely' response. Clearly you are talented to be able to ignore an issue and resolve it. One day, when you come into my hospital with an MI (heart attack), I hope I can provide the same quality treatment. I hear 19 days is enough time to save a life.

Sincerely,

Doctah K"

In Texto Veritas - A Comedy of Errors...Subway Style

From: M.R.
Date: 3/11/09
Time: 18:30

This may only make sense to those who understand the NYC train system.

"M. attempts to go to Queens. Get on B train at DeKalb. Fall Asleep before train so much as starts moving. Wake up on 81st [in Manhattan]. Crap. Get out and transfer to downtown B. Get excited because there is an F train on the opposite side. Hobble on. At 34th Street, realize I am an idiot. This is the downtown F. Get out. Transfer to uptown F. Fall asleep before train starts moving. Wake up at 179th Street [in Queens]. Take the F downtown again."

For those who are unfamiliar... NYC Subway

In Texto Veritas - A Procedure To Bear My Name

From: YHO
Date: 04/20/09
Time: 11:35

"My [another medical school] colleagues have driven me to develop a new surgical procedure: Percutaneous Esophageal Fistulostomy. It's a new and risky procedure, but I can see it becoming standard of care for stress removal in AUC medical students."

In Texto Veritas - ...But Let Me Tell You About My Day

From: YHO
Date: 3/23/09
Time: 16:24 - 16:42

"I simply cannot wait to answer the following question on the site evaluation at the end of my rotation: 'Did you feel like you were part of the health care team?'
My answer: 'Absolutely! My integral role as glorified blood tube delivery boy was my foremost reason for choosing medical school and the medical profession. When the resident calls me up for an important task and I come running, and he tells me to run the tubes to the lab, I wet myself a little...And when the pharmacy rejected me as a suitable candidate to deliver medication to an actively dying woman, the thrills almost made me vomit.
And just as I got done typing that last part, I was addressed by the only name I've ever known for the last 6 months...'Medical Student!'"

"I want to spontaneously combust."

So...How do YOU think my day went?

In Texto Veritas - Tell Me How You Really Feel

From: A.K.
Date: 2/20/09
Time: 07:42

"I wanna find the various people through history who have helped establish physics as a credible science and have sex with them."

Your Humble Observer's comment: Incidentally, I feel the same way about surgery.

P.S. If you can't see the sarcasm dripping off of this comment, you must have your sarcasm-o-meter checked.

In Texto Veritas - USMLE Style Question for a Real-Life Situation

From: Your Humble Observer
Date: 2/7/09
Time: 12:07

A 26 yo male is sitting @ Starbucks when he is suddenly exposed to toxic levels of cheap Duane Reade perfume. What is the next best step in management?

A. Slap the @#!$% for exposing him to toxic fumes

B. Slap the husband for allowing her to wear that @#!$

C. Slap himself for not getting up and leaving

D. Lick her face

In Texto Veritas - A Series of Unfortunate Events

From: A.K.
Date: 2/6/09
Time: 09:58

...It's been a rough morning...I forgot my chem clicker at home so I couldn't participate. I have a hole in my pants right in the crotch