Retrospective #5d - A Final Farewell

Top 5 Things I Will Miss about St. Maarten

Ok, ok, so you've been hearing me complain about this place for 20 months now, but I can't deny there are things about the island that I will definitely miss. As with my previous list, I'm not going to do the obvious choices, like friends, fried plantains, blah-blah-blah. My list here reflects those things about St. Maarten that I've grown accustomed and, dare I say, attached to.

Honorable Mention
- The cheapest alcohol anywhere in the world – Johnny Walker Blue Label for $109… 'nuff said.

5. The Airport
- I mean, really, where else can you stand 20 ft. behind a 747 as it takes off and get blown 200 yards into the ocean or directly underneath an American Airlines 757 as it comes in for a landing?
- While driving past the airport and seeing the airplanes:
YHO: Wow, the American Airlines flight hasn't left yet. It's like 2 hours late.
H.A. (taking his eyes off the road and hands off the wheel and reaching for the plane): FREEEDOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!
YHO (grabbing the wheel from the passenger's seat): Ok, based on the amount of whine in that, I'd say we're at about week 10 of the semester.

4. Clean Air & Starry Nights
- These kind of go hand in hand. Not often have I experienced such beautiful night skies. The calm and tranquility that falls over the island by night is by far one of its charms. The beautiful bright sunshine and total lack of smog in the air will be sorely missed.

3. Relaxation, when time permits
- You haven't lived until you've spent an entire day lying out by the pool of your local Caribbean resort.

2. The View
- There's something to be said about waking up every morning, walking to your living room and being struck by the beauty of the Caribbean Sea. It has calming properties I couldn't even begin to describe to you. Lord knows, those mornings before Pathology exams, it was just what the doctor ordered.

1. The Yachts
- I could, literally, sit and stare at these majestic vessels for hours. Unfortunately, med school does not lend itself to such idle behavior. So I've stocked up on plenty of yachting magazines to recreate the warm, fuzzy feeling I get inside every time The Limitless sails by.


It's definitely been an experience living in St. Maarten. It's a completely different lifestyle, to say the least, but I've learned a lot, not only about medicine, but about myself, life, and how small the world really is. I don't think I can call St. Maarten my home, but it has definitely become a part of me (yes, despite all my resistance).

My colleagues and I were thrown into a new world, and frankly, I think we came out smelling like roses (a little joke for the Phi Chi members on this list). So you'll forgive us if we pat ourselves on the back, and think we're greatest thing since Penicillin. Because we did it. We did it well. We did it with pride. And we did it with a little Caribbean style. From now on, SXM will be like a little club we were all in. We'll always have The Westin, Sunset Beach Bar, Mullet Bay, Talk of the Town Too, and of course:

The Library, Histo lab, Psychadelic Cafeteria, Tien Statue, Gold Steering Wheel Covers, Mind's Eye, Sequences-es-es, Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaateral, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-vagination, Easy Kaplan Tests, 2 am congregations on the second floor of the Rotunda to kvetch about the Comp,etc.

Obviously, the journey has not ended. It's just become....less interesting.

Retrospective #5c - ...Land That I Love

Top 5 Things I Missed Most about the U.S.

At first glance, this list seems obvious, but I'm using slightly different criteria than you would expect. Obviously the major answers to this are "My family, My friends, Chipotle, blah-blah-blah…" Instead, I will highlight some of those intangibles; things I'd taken for granted all these years, and now can't wait to get back to.

Honorable Mentions
- Mini-Marts (You know, the ones with Slurpees and Big Gulps)
- Gyms (One where the cardio machines actually work.)

5. Customer Service
- I'm sorry, Subway lady. I know it's quite inconvenient for me to ask you for mustard AND hot sauce, but I do appreciate that exasperated look you're giving me.

4. Road Markings/Lanes
- You know? Those things that let you know that I drive on THIS side of the road, and you drive on THAT side...and that these rules are NOT up for interpretation.

3. Free Refills
- And for that matter…fountain drinks in general.

2. Central Air/Heating
- Remote controls are for televisions, DVD players, and Sirius Radio…not for the single A/C unit above my bed that doesn't shut off once the desired temperature is reached.

1. Water Pressure
- You know, just enough so I'm not hugging the wall trying to catch the little trickle.
- YHO (from inside the shower): OH FOR THE LOVE OF…
H.A.: What happened?
YHO: Just pass me a couple bottles of water will you?

Retrospective #5b - Inspiration

Top 5 Most Inspirational Messages on Car Windshields

Those living in the U.S. are accustomed to bumper stickers and license plate frames announcing to the world that one's child is an honor student, that God is their co-pilot, or that Metallica is their favorite band. Well, in true SXM style, they've upped the ante. These messages are not attached to the back of the car in small print, but rather, in GIANT letters across their front windshield. It would all be fine…if only the messages made any sense. Of course, I can't remember them all, but here's a sample:

Honorable Mentions
- Jah Is Wonderful – I'm sure Bob would agree, Rasta!
- Sting Dem – I kid you not, these words were under a giant picture of a scorpion on the windshield of a taxi. We, on the island, call that good business.
- No Rest For Dead Souls - Actually, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what awaits the dead soul...a WHOLE LOTTA REST.


5. Jesus Live!
- Get your tickets now at your local Ticketmaster outlets. (wait for it…wait for it…there you go, now you get it)
- And Yes…I'm sure it's "Live" and not "Lives"

4. Be of Good Courage
- If I wasn't, believe you me, no chance I would ever drive on this island

3. There Is No Hope
- Yes there is. It's called an American Eagle flight, departing April 16th at 7:07 am.

2. Yes, I
- can? eat? hurt? would like a #3 combo with extra large fries?
- I'm sure somewhere in this guy's head, there is an end to this sentence. It's called a verb, dude. Learn to love them.

1. Jesus Smile
- Yes, I'm sure he did that at some point.
- YHO: Honestly, what the *bleep* does that mean?
H.A.: Really, dude? You're actually trying to make sense of this?

Retrospective #5a - The Absurd

Top 5 Most Absurd Aspects of Island Life

Upon arrival on this island, we were informed that we shouldn't expect island life to mirror our previous lives in the U.S. They told us that some of the island ways of life might seem a little odd to us, and that we need to just go with the flow. What they call "odd" I call "absurd". And so…here we go:

Honorable Mention: The Street Names – With such gems as "Sucker Garden Dr.", "Easter Cactus Rd.", and "Jack Man Dr." how could you ever get lost?

5. Hurricane Damage from 1995
- Now, it would be one thing if it was the locals' houses, since nobody's exactly living in luxury. But the damage was sustained mostly by resorts owned by foreign businesspeople. Why the ruins are still standing 13 years later is a mystery.

4. Using "OK" and "Alright" as a Greeting
- This popular greeting is only one-upped by the always pleasant "Cool Man"

3. The Availability of Water, Electricity, and Internet, but Never All 3 Simultaneously
- This one is simply beyond my comprehension.

2. Only One Traffic Signal on the Entire Island
- This one causes us the most angst, because tourists have no clue how to drive to begin with. Add on the brain surgeons (a.k.a. the locals) that live on this island and it's enough to give you a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage.

1. Island Time
- We illustrate the absurd with an absurd example: Today, it took a cashier 3min 42 sec (yes, I timed him) to make change for a five dollar bill on a $3.50 purchase.
- As a result, the "Over/Under Game" has become quite popular in my little circle
Ex: YHO – "Over/Under 3 minutes until we get menus"
H.A. – "Over…waaaaaaaaaaaaay over"

Retrospective #3 - The Universal Language

September 16, 2006

Medicine: The Universal Language

Learning medicine involves learning an entirely new language, complete with a new set of nouns, verbs, adjectives, phrases, grammar, etc. Your concept of directions completely change. For example:

Up becomes Superior
Down become Inferior

Then, because nothing in medicine can be desctiptive enough, you get the fancy words like Distal for when you're moving away from your body along your arm or leg or Proximal for the opposite direction, and so on...you get the picture...

As if this wasn't all bad enough (yes, I can feel the collective eye rolling going on right now from Yeretsgeen Paula, Jerry, and Arman), we have to deal with professors who don't exactly speak the English language the way we would like. As a result I have put together this list that I like to call:

"Words That I Have Come To Hate Because of my Candian, Australian, and New Zealander Professors"

I Say It: Cervical (SERVE-uh-kul)
They Say It: serve-EYE-kul
This one irks me the most. I don't know why.

I Say It: Vessel (VEH-suhl)
They Say It: VyEE-suhl
I can't even write out how they pronounce this.

I Say It: Out (owt)
They Say It: Oot
I just hate this word in any context now.

I Say It: Skeletal (SKEH-luh-tuhl)
They Say It: skuh-LEE-tuhl
You get the picture


This is not comprehensive at all, and I'm sure will be added on to when our Belgian professor of Histology begins lecturing. Stay tuned...

Retrospective #2

September 29, 2006

Life, Whitecoat, and the Pursuit of a Car

Well folks, It's over! Our first exams have come and gone and I'm that much closer to my MD. No, I'm sorry, I don't know why your knee hurts and I can't tell you what kind of medication to take for your aching back! But I can tell all about the Brachial Plexus and the anastamoses of the arteries of the upper limb...

But that's for another time and place. Right now, I want to bring you up to speed on life here has been like lately.

I'm sure it's become clear to most of you that things have been really busy here. Classes run daily and require about 6 hrs of studying on a light day just to keep up. The first weeks were filled with a lot of activities for us First Semesters. Club barbecues, workshops, pledge meetings (more on this in a second), in between long stretches in the library make the days go by way too fast. It's now been a month that I've been living here, and it seems like yesterday that I was stepping off the plane.

The highlight of the second week was a ceremony called "White Coat." This is something of an initiation into medical school and the medical profession in general. Technically, it's supposed to be the first time that you wear the white labcoat as a student. Basically, Friday evening, we all gathered in one of the lecture halls, listened to speakers, then read our "Honor Code" (something about not cheating or whatever) then filed up to the stage, single file like good little kindergartners, and the professors put the white coats on us for the "first time" (forget the fact that we'd been wearing them around dead people for 2 weeks at that point). Afterwards they threw us a huge party at a club called "Bamboo Bernie's" (you can't make this stuff up) where, to the best of my recollection, the evening went swell! (insert smile with two thumbs up) Pictures are attached.

In the meantime, Hovig and I had been trying to get settled in as much as possible, which meant, acquiring a car. Now let me preface the next story like this. Opening a regular run of the mill bank savings account in this country requires a previous appointment, 2 forms of ID, including a U.S. Passport, proof of residence, acceptance letter from the university, your first born and a kidney... not to mention 2 hours to get everything set up.
Now I told you that story to tell you this one. During the car search we were able to get in touch with Junior (you can't make this stuff up) at the Nissan dealership, who called us a day later to inform us that he had a car for us to lease. We walked up to the dealership, he handed us the keys, we got in the car and drove off. Terms of the lease? EHH, we'll talk about that later.
So to recap...
Savings Account: 2 Hours, Passport, Kidney
Car Lease: 2 minutes, a smile, a thankful wave as you drive off...
You can't make this stuff up.

This is getting lengthy, so I'll try to answer all you questions bullet point style:

- Nope, still no hurricanes or tropical storms so keep lighting those candles in Church for us!
- STILL Humid. I've given up on doing anything with my hair. This is about as fro-ed out as I've ever been
- We now find ourselves saying things like "Nah, don't go to Simpson Bay for that, French side is much better!" and "Damn tourists need to get off the road."
- No, I don't study on the beach. Studying anatomy alone requires 3 books, a booklet of possible test questions, a lab guide, and my laptop with lecture notes. Sound like I can do that on the beach?
- The words "YAH-MON!" are rarely uttered here, although I did hear it the other day. Must have been Jamaican tourists.
- Yes, I'm rushing a medical fraternity. It's never too early to start networking or acting like a frat guy.

OK, I think that's everything for now.

If anyone can find a way to package In & Out and cheekoufteh and send it to me, I'd love you forever.

Love,

Nareg

Retrospective #1

A look back at emails sent from the island of St. Maarten.

Today's restrospective comes ahead of starting the next phase of medical school: Clinical Rotations.

Original Post Date: 11/04/2006

The 12-Step Guide To Being a Caribbean Medical Student

12. Drench yourself and everything you own in water. This will emulate the humidity/random 5 minute rainstorm/sweat factor. Remember the local motto: St. Maarten - The land that never dries. 11. Make up and memorize random words like 'Pericardiacophrenic', 'Vaso Vasorum', 'Ora Serrata', and 'Dipalmitoylphosphotidylcholine'.

10. When driving anywhere, make sure that your car crosses through a significant body of water such as a lake or river. There's no experience like taking your Hundai through the major flooded regions after a rainstorm!

9. Again while driving your car, randomly stomp on your brake and screech to a halt, since the person in front of you has stopped in the middle of the road to talk to his buddy walking on the other side of the road.

8. Have at least one argument per day with your colleagues about where the Accessory Hemiazygous Vein really is, and where it drains.

7. Learn to say things like, "I think you can only get those on the French Side," and "Yes, I think ACE Hardware does sell punchbowls."

6. Once a week, splash some salt water in your eyes and pour sand into your shorts. This is your weekly trip to beach.

5. Carry a laptop with you EVERYWHERE you go.

4. When asked, what gym you go to, do not reply with 'Bally's', '24-Hour', or 'Gold's'. Instead start naming off hotels whose gym you use occasionally.

3. Get all necessary supplies (i.e. snacks, pencils, coffee, books, and notes) from a window in the side of a building. Call this window 'Notes Services'. Have professors/bosses/teachers blame Notes Services for anything that goes wrong with their presentations.

2. Begin seeing anatomical structures in normal everyday objects (i.e. Mitral valves in palm leaves, bifurcation of the carotid in tree branches, etc.)

…And The Most Important Step…

1. When confronted with something odd or absurd (at least twice a day)…using your Trapezius and Levator Scapulae muscles, shrug your shoulders. Then using Risorius muscle, grin really wide and say to yourself, "That's St. Maarten!"